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Writing History & Mysteries

When I'm not delving into historical research, I'm planning a character's demise.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Milk Carton Murders 07

2013 March 31
Weekend Writing Warriors is a blog hop. The object is to write eight sentences from your writing, published or unpublished, for the other participants to critique (as well as anyone else who wants to comment of course). This is a snippet from my WIP, The Milk Carton Murders.
- See more at: http://historysleuth.blogspot.com/#sthash.KzbxXmen.dpuf
Weekend Writing Warriors is a blog hop. The object is to write eight sentences from your writing, published or unpublished, for the other participants to critique (as well as anyone else who wants to comment of course). This is a snippet from my WIP, The Milk Carton Murders.

The Milk Carton Murders
(A brief synopsis of the story and previous excerpts can be found here.)
I thought this week I would try to share a bit about what my rural town looks like. Dave, my MC, is walking the three blocks from the sheriff’s office back to the newspaper. He grew up here and his mom and dad were foster parents when he was a kid. One of the three coffins dislodged from the Wiscoy Creek bank had a milk carton clipping of a missing girl pinned to the remains that turns out to be a girl Dave's parents had fostered over 20 years ago. Other comments by Dave’s dad make Dave wonder if his dad is the killer.



The antique shops, finished with their winter weekend only hours, now ran in full swing. Early spring flowers hung in planters from old style street lamps the town’s work crew installed to replace the tall, steel light poles that extended out over the road. Cement slab sidewalks were ripped out and redone with red brick the year before when utility lines were laid underground—all to give the business district more charm. A lot of effort and money had been invested in the overhaul and the tourists loved the return to the quaint look of days gone by, but how charmed would they be when they found out about children’s coffins floating in the same creek they planned to canoe on? Lamont looked the same as it had last Friday before the storm; it just didn’t feel the same. Dave’s fingers tingled as he touched the ancient wooden door of the Lamont Weekly Times. How many reporters had gone before him and pushed on this same door in the same spot obsessed with a story that ate away at them?  Dave wanted a Pulitzer worthy scoop and now he had it—he just hadn’t expected to be part of it.

*** 


The link to the other Weekend Writing Warriors is here. This week we have almost 75 participants! You're bound to find something to pique your interest.

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PS If you are so inclined, feel free to donate me a noun for my Blogging from A-Z / Camp NaNoWriMo April challenges-I needz more words guys! Just thought it would be more fun to blog everyday if I had to try and use someone else's word of the day. Here is what is open if you want to leave it below with your Weekend Writing Warriors / Snippet Sunday comments.... or not. :) 
Still open: 
B, D, E, F, G, J, M, O, P, Q, R, U, X, Y, Z.
As always, I appreciate your input. 
***
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24 comments:

  1. "Children's coffins"...a chilling phrase!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your description creates a clear mental image of a place we'd all like to visit.
    Suggestion/question: Did you consider letting one of your characters offer the description in dialog as opposed to the narrator providing it?
    I struggle with that choice often.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The reference to coffins coming in the middle of the description is an attention getter.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "...how charmed would they be when they found out about children’s coffins floating in the same creek they planned to canoe on?" Nice contrast--the idyllic town and children's coffins where they shouldn't be. Nice post--I can now picture it from your eyes, HS :-)

    "W" = Willow :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Scenic description is my weak spot. I struggle with how to do it too. Thanks for your input all and thanks Teresa for willow. :)

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  6. The charm of the rebuild and then the floating coffins - that's a guaranteed attention grabber. Great descriptions.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love the mix of description and his views and emotions of the town. Very well done.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I stand with the masses, children's coffins -- very emotion invoking!! Great 8, as always!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great visuals that lead easily into several emotions--really nice job. You've got a strong idea of what you want from this story. I like that and I like the story!

    PS--my inner editor won't let me leave without mentioning that 'obsessed' and 'ate away at them' are awfully similar in meaning. Minor but maybe something to think about tweaking.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love the descriptions in this snippet. The emotions rang through. 'Children's coffins'-- chilling!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks for your comments all and I will be slowly making my rounds while preparing Easter dinner. And thanks for pointing that out Owllady.

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  12. Just enough original description to make it leap from the page without being overwhelming. Well done!

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  13. Great scene description! Very nice! I want more!

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  14. This story is so very chilling and highly intriguing. I wonder if there's something more going on though...the description of the town and the effect the murders will have on it was excellent. Terrific snippet as always!

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  15. I love the description of the quaint town, which sounds so lovely until the mention of the children's coffins. Then it suddenly becomes chilling and macabre. Nice job :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow! be careful what you wish for!

    The mention of the children's coffins is chilling . . .

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good visual of a quaint town - and then the shock effect of the mention of children's coffins.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You've created a wonderful scene here. My blood ran cold at mention of the children's coffins. Thanks for sharing.

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  19. The mention of children's coffins made me feel a little uncomfortable.

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  20. yeah...don't think I'd want a Pulitzer at that type of cost, sadly. :(

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  21. Poor Dave, he certainly didn't want his big story to be this either.

    I appreciate all your responses and taking time on Easter Sunday to comment.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Great description of the town; I could really picture it.

    I'm struggling with tomorrow's B as well - Ernest Hemingway, Fact-checking, Monkeys, Publishing, hero's Quest (okay, that one may be cheating), Russian literature, and Unicorns. :D

    ReplyDelete
  23. HS - I love the mood you've built here. Edgy and intriguing.
    Smiles
    Steph

    ReplyDelete

Anyone can comment. You don't need to jump through hoops or be a member of anything. Nice huh?

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