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Writing History & Mysteries

When I'm not delving into historical research, I'm planning a character's demise.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Milk Carton Murders 28

SETUP: We're leaving last week's scene where Dave's dad is being questioned. I'm leaving a lot of the next part out as it has too many clues to post before it's published (at some point). Let's just say there are other suspects and Dave is determined to help Investigator Pepper Black figure out who those people are. A lot of people worked at the dairy twenty years ago in the milk carton plant, not just Dave's dad. (Remember, Dave and Pepper have a deal, he can tag along for an exclusive for not printing the milk carton photos in the newspaper, and she wants to keep him close anyway, positive he's holding something back.) Below is a conversation between Dave and Pepper. She shows Dave a photo, hoping for a reaction, of what was in the coffin with the one foster girl who stayed at Dave's house when he was about 13. Pepper speaks first.
As always the words in italics is the "other" voice in Dave's head.

"The girl you knew as Melissa Riggs, a.k.a. our victim Samantha Briggs—who by the way, we need to start calling her by her real name—she had a stuffed dog, more teddy bear style construction, made of polyester which is why it survived.”

 Dave didn’t want to look at the photograph, nor did he need to. “Was it yellow?”

“Yes, extremely dirty, but it was yellow—and you knew this how?”

Dave slumped against the jeep, dragged his fingers through his hair, and back again. Please, he thought, no more headaches—focus. “Because I gave it to her; I think I won it at the county fair.”

You think? Oh come on Davy, quit being such a chicken shit, you can remember—or do I have to tell you?


The link to the other Weekend Writing Warriors is here. You're bound to find something to pique your interest.

The Sunday Snippet writer's on Facebook are here. Between the two there is something for everyone. Thank you for any comments you leave me. Much appreciated!

When three small coffins are unearthed near the Wiscoy Creek during a routine dredging operation, it’s the last thing DAVE ROBERTSON, of the Lamont Weekly Times, expected. Pinned to the skeleton’s clothing are pictures from milk cartons of missing girls.

Dave is stunned to find that one of the girls is Sally―a foster child his parents had cared for through the Friends of Foster Families (FFF) program. Cold case files reveal the girls disappeared over 20 years ago. Knowing his house was the last place he saw Sally alive, he can’t help but suspect his dad.

How can he write the biggest story of his career if his father turns out to be the killer? If the voice in his head would shut up and let him remember, he might figure it out before he loses his mind and his dad is charged with murder.

Full blurb and snippet recap here.



  1. Arrggghhh! He volunteered information.
    What a mistake.
    Nice 8!

  2. Frank's right. Never volunteer anything. Unless the voices make you.

  3. Oh, the plot thickens! Loving the intrigue!

  4. Wonderful eight. Hey, this is fiction. I love the tormented man with a voice in his head. Thanks for another treat.

  5. At this point, I'm just hoping Davy didn't do it himself. I'm invested, here . . .

  6. Poor Dave's brain is just a jumble of, "what to do?" Glad I'm still holding your interest.

  7. Man, I was hoping to figure out what the confession from last week was gonna be! But still intrigued. Good eight!

  8. Oh Cindy, I'm pretty sure we're seriously riveted by now, I am! :D

    One suggestion? My inner editor is bothered by a couple things though I admit what you have is probably what a real person would say. You have "The girl you knew as Melissa Riggs, a.k.a. our victim Samantha Briggs—who by the way, we need to start calling her by her real name—she had a stuffed dog,"

    Maybe just say "who by the way, we need to start calling by her real name" and just drop that one "her". People don't always speak with grammatically correct phrases of course, so it's up to you. Pepper seems like the sort who might be more correct, and from my viewpoint she might be that careful about what she says to Dave in this scene.

    Can't help thinking a lot about the characters and situation, it's that engaging :D

  9. Leaves me wondering who put the toys in the coffin.

  10. SUCH a fascinating story, all the twists and turns. Keep it coming, great stuff! Terrific snippet today...

  11. Thanks Owl lady! That sentence seemed gangly to me and I couldn't get it just right. A perfect suggestion. And I'm glad you're all still wondering whose doing what and why.

  12. Great snippet. I've really been drawn into this.

  13. Yes! Davy, please tell him. :) The suspense is killing me, lol. Very well done.

  14. Please tell me Davy didn't do this. Great scene to keep us wanting more!

  15. Love it Cindy!!!

  16. That voice is *Not* helpful. Of course, when are the voices in your head ever helpful?

    The image of that stuffed dog is so sad... Nicely done.

  17. How frightening, sounds like the killer is someone close - maybe too close. Good 8.

  18. Wow! This just gets better and better...great use of the 8's in capturing my curiosity again. Well done!

  19. Oh the agony of waiting to really figure out all these little pieces of puzzle you've dripped over us...Cindy, you're a tease! Excellent eight!

  20. ok after reading the comments I must get back to your stories. thanks for your comments to me :D

  21. The hidden voice in Dave's head doesn't seem to want to cooperate with him that much.


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