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Writing History & Mysteries

When I'm not delving into historical research, I'm planning a character's demise.

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Milk Carton Murders 14

SET UP:
 The layouts for each missing child that was placed on milk cartons came directly from The Center for Missing Children (which is a fact, by the way). The Wiscoy Dairy in Lamont was one of the dairies that manufactured their own cartons. Dave’s dad Hal worked there until he retired in the late 90s. The remains of the three girls were among the missing children in CMCs database, but their images were never featured in the milk carton program. So who switched the layouts to put them on Wiscoy Dairy cartons and why?

Dave Robertson (my MC reporter) and Investigator Pepper Black are in her jeep on their way to the Wiscoy Dairy to ask some questions. Pepper asks if he’s ever been away from Lamont. Dave speaks first in the conversation below.

As always, words in italics is the “other voice” in Dave’s head. 

“I went to college in Chicago to the school for journalism, almost right after I graduated from high school, and worked at a newspaper there for a while until my mother died and I had to come back home.”

“What year did you go away to college?”

He was just thinking about that himself not too long ago. “I left for school in July of 1996.”

Pepper turned and looked Dave in the eye. “Right around the end time for our burials.”

Ought-oh, Davy boy—you know where she’s goin' with this, don’t you?

He might as well just say it out loud, “Well I’m not some crazed killer if that’s what you mean. Is that why you’re keeping me so close?”

 “It doesn’t mean anything, Dave—just making an observation.”

  ***
The link to the other Weekend Writing Warriors is here. You're bound to find something to pique your interest.

The Sunday Snippet writer's on Facebook are here. Between the two there is something for everyone.
*** 
BLURB:
When three small coffins are unearthed near the Wiscoy Creek during a routine dredging operation, it’s the last thing DAVE ROBERTSON, of the Lamont Weekly Times, expected. Pinned to the skeleton’s clothing are pictures from milk cartons of missing girls.

Dave is stunned to find that one of the girls is Sally―a foster child his parents had cared for through the Friends of Foster Families (FFF) program. Cold case files reveal the girls disappeared over 20 years ago. Knowing his house was the last place he saw Sally alive, he can’t help but suspect his dad.

How can he write the biggest story of his career if his father turns out to be the killer? If the voice in his head would shut up and let him remember, he might figure it out before he loses his mind and his dad is charged with murder.

Full blurb and snippet recap here.
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38 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 01, 2013

    Love it Cindy!

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  2. Great dialogue. I like Pepper's smooth response. Terrific suspense.

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  3. This is taking a nice turn. Dave can also be the killer now.

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  4. AnonymousJune 01, 2013

    Nice snippet! I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for Dave or suspicious . . .

    ~Charley

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  5. Nice exchange here, Cindy! Seeds of doubt are never a bad thing...

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  6. What a great story this is! I don't know who to trust!

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  7. So he's a suspect now?

    Whoa . . . should he be? No. Maybe? Dang it . . .

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  8. is she just making conversation? interesting premise

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  9. AnonymousJune 02, 2013

    Ooh, the mystery deepens. What is his connection?

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  10. I'm so nervous right now. Fabulous added layer.

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  11. Great snippet! The friendship gets a bit strained and the stakes are raised for Dave to find who really killed those girls. Unless it really is his dad, and then what?!

    One suggestion? Here "He was just thinking about that himself not too long ago. “I left for school in July of 1996.”I think you could maybe drop 'I left for school in' and just use the date; it might help the flow a little.

    This is such a cool story, Cindy :)

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  12. Oh my, never occurred to me people might suspect him! Nice twist in this very engrossing story. Another terrific snippet!

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  13. Great job with using this set of sentence to create tension. It's an excellent snippet!

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  14. This just keeps getting better and netter, Cindy! Excellent writing--love this twist. :-)

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  15. AnonymousJune 02, 2013

    More and more I like this. Good eight and thanks.

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  16. I'm intrigued :) Nice snippet!

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  17. Thanks everyone. And good point owl lady. That would make the sentence tighter since we already know what they're talking about.

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  18. Always best to clear the air and acknowledge the elephant in the room. How's that for a nice metaphor cocktail? ;-) Great snippet as always!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  19. Is this book done yet? I need to read more than 8 sentences at a time! :)

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  20. Oooh, that changes things a little. I thought it might be dad. But what if the killer is Dave? Great snippet, Cindy. :)

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  21. AnonymousJune 02, 2013

    I liked the snippet and loved the blurb. Can't wait to read more! There is so much passive-aggressive menace in that last line that I just had to read it two or three times.

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  22. Oh no, I never thought they would suspect him. Enjoyed the snippet!

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  23. Great excerpt! I love how you set it up with the questions and still keep it relatively veiled. I love the nonchalance of the last line too!

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  24. Love the exchange here :-)

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  25. Nice eight! That's not a kind of observation to make casually unless you're really serious!

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  26. Wow! Do we trust his head...or was he involved?

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  27. AnonymousJune 02, 2013

    Oh, I am loving all these twists and turns - keeps your reader turning the page *or checking your posts, as it were* I'm hooked!

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  28. Great dialogue in this snippet! This story seems really interesting and i think I may be hooked ;)

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  29. Very nice snippet - and our hero is under suspicion (didn't see that coming). Good way to add twists/turns. Great #8

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  30. Uh-oh! Very nice snippet.

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  31. Awesome snippet! I'm definitely drawn into this story and want to know more of what's going to happen!

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  32. Dun-dun-dunnnnnn! Love it. Is Dave 1) crazy, 2) snarky, 3) possessed, or 4) a serial killer. I can't wait to see where this goes, Cindy!

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  33. Hmm, who dun it? Can't wait to find out!

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  34. Thanks for all your input everyone. :)

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  35. Super excerpt. Now I want to know more.

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  36. AnonymousJune 05, 2013

    Way to turn the suspicion around there.

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  37. I love the growing tension. And Davy's creepy inner voice. Does the voice get louder as the book goes on? More insistent? Frequent? Love it. I'm worried about Pepper, though. I hope she's making observations aloud and mental notes to be careful and aware. You're looking for trouble. You will find it.

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