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Writing History & Mysteries

When I'm not delving into historical research, I'm planning a character's demise.

Sunday, June 09, 2013

Milk Carton Murders 15

SETUP:
In case you're just jumping into the story... There coffins washed out of the creek bank during a recent flood. The remains were three girls that went missing 20+ years ago. Dave suspects his dad. Their house had been the last place he had seen one of the girls alive. She was one of many children Dave's parents cared for through the foster program. Dave has blocked memories from his childhood, and the voice in his head goads him to remember. 

Below is part of a conversation Dave is having with his dad. His dad speaks first. As always, the italics is "the voice" Dave hears in his head. (I had to edit down some and mess with punctuation to fit, so I hope it doesn't lose its impact. For those who asked, yes I plan to publish this.)

His father said nothing for a moment, just stared at the blank television. “Dear God, it’s my fault—it’s my fault that she’s there.”

“What do you mean your fault?”

His father didn’t answer.

 Tell me!” shouted Dave. He had never raised his voice to his father before, ever.


Truth or dare time, Davy, truth or dare! I dare you to ask for the truth, all of it
—come on, Davy! Don’t you want to know what happened?

Dave cupped his hands over his ears as if that would stop it.

***
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*** 
BLURB:
When three small coffins are unearthed near the Wiscoy Creek during a routine dredging operation, it’s the last thing DAVE ROBERTSON, of the Lamont Weekly Times, expected. Pinned to the skeleton’s clothing are pictures from milk cartons of missing girls.

Dave is stunned to find that one of the girls is Sally―a foster child his parents had cared for through the Friends of Foster Families (FFF) program. Cold case files reveal the girls disappeared over 20 years ago. Knowing his house was the last place he saw Sally alive, he can’t help but suspect his dad.

How can he write the biggest story of his career if his father turns out to be the killer? If the voice in his head would shut up and let him remember, he might figure it out before he loses his mind and his dad is charged with murder.

Full blurb and snippet recap here.

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27 comments:

  1. I have the feeling that the moment of truth is coming up. So much tension in the excerpt.

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  2. Excellent tension here. Very chilling. I'm wondering what the voices in his head are, though I have an idea. Excellent snippet.

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  3. Eerie premise - very intriguing. Love the snippet... it raises more questions than it answers.

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  4. This is so intriguing. I wonder whether Dave's dad will really turn out to be a bad guy or not.

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  5. I can feel the tension building in this scene. Will his father tell him truth? Intriguing snippet and blurb. Are you planning to self-pub or submit to a publisher? This is a book I would read.

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  6. I can feel the tension building in this scene. Will his father tell him truth? Intriguing snippet and blurb. Are you planning to self-pub or submit to a publisher? This is a book I would read.

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  7. I'm seriously on the edge of my chair, here! I can't quite believe that his father is going to confess what Davy thinks he is, but I'm SURE Davy should be afraid . . .

    Gaah!

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  8. You may have edited but can't tell - quite tense. Does Dave want to know what he's repressed? is he prepared for the answers?

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  9. You have me so intrigued by this story (glad to hear you will be publishing it). I feel things can't be as "simple" as the Dad being the murderer so I'm really on edge for the twists to come! Excellent excerpt...

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  10. Ooh...as everyone else is saying, what great tension! Drew me in and got me interested.

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  11. Fabulous tension. I'm on the edge of my seat here, all nervous and curious. Truth! Come on, Dave, pick truth. :)

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  12. Powerful snippet! Great buildup of tension and a sense of foreboding. I like not knowing if his father's a good guy or bad guy.

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  13. Exciting snippet, l'm wanting to know the story too, come on Dad spill!

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  14. So much suspense! I have a feeling that there will be some real shockers in store. Looking forward to the next instalment.

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  15. Poor Dave. 'Fault' leaves so many possibilities... he might not want to know the answer.
    :o
    But I sure do.

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  16. He's blocked the memories and his dad is giving hints, but I'm wondering hints of whom? Nicely done, Cindy. :)

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  17. Oh, man. Can't wait till next week to see what Dad says!

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  18. Damn this guy has Sybil's brother living in his head. What happened to Davy as a boy must have been hideous!

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  19. Interesting. Can't wait to learn more!

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  20. Really love this story! I look forward to the snippets every week. Great job!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  21. Omigod! Will we have the truth? What is his dad hinting at? Whatever it is, it has to be bad. Why else would Davy suppress it?

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  22. Yes Davy, ask him! We all want to know!!!

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  23. Thank you everyone for your comments this week. I'm still making the rounds!

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  24. Awesome!! Can't wait to see more :)

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  25. I'm glad it's Sunday again tomorrow. I need to know what happens next.

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  26. Wow this is a great excerpt, even if it is edited! Approaching one of the biggest plot points and the excerpt stops, ugh! I gotta know how his dad reacts.

    One tiny little suggestion: instead of Dave cupping his hands over his ears, maybe something like "pressed against" would be just a bit clearer. :)

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Available in paperback and eBook formats

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More to announce as they are confirmed.

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