2013 March 3
Weekend Writing Warriors is a blog hop. The
object is to write eight sentences from your writing, published or
unpublished, for the other participants to critique (as well as anyone
else who wants to comment of course). This is a snippet from my WIP, The Milk Carton Murders.
The Milk Carton Murders
Some background.
Dave’s dad worked in the printing department of the Wiscoy
Dairy before he retired. When Dave was younger his mom & dad were foster
parents. Dave had gone away to college and was working as a journalist for a
newspaper in Chicago. When his mother died 5 years ago he moved back home to
take care of his dad and works at the Lamont Weekly Times. When Dave sees the
Wiscoy Dairy milk carton piece with the picture of “Sally,” he is confused. The
picture is right, but the name says Samantha Briggs. He pulls some old photos
from the attic in which Sally is wearing a blue gingham dress. He puts the SIMM
card from his camera in the computer and sees the girl in the coffin is wearing
the same dress. Dave already told his dad what they found at the creek. He tries
again to ask his dad some questions.
***
“She didn’t
stay with us long did she?”
“No —couple months. She was a tough one Sally was, couldn’t
ever accept her parents weren’t coming for her—they were gone. Dead. She became
detached. Kept insisting her name was Sammy, like if she could pretend she was
someone else everything would be okay. She was a difficult child to take care
of—just couldn’t adapt.”
“Sammy? I don’t remember her using the name
Sammy,” Dave said.
“No? Well maybe I’m thinking of a different one. That could
be—yes. Your mother and I did care for a lot of kids over the years.”
“Do you remember her last name?
I’d like to see if I could find her. See if she turned out alright, had a good
life.”
“No, no I
don’t remember. Don’t waste your time. You’ll never find her anyway.”
“Why do you say that,
dad?”
“Well,
because they’re girls, David. Almost impossible to find girls.”
***
The link to the other Weekend Writing Warriors is here. This week we have over 80 participants! You're bound to find something to pique your interest.
***
Weekend Writing Warriors is a blog hop. The
object is to write eight sentences from your writing, published or
unpublished, for the other participants to critique (as well as anyone
else who wants to comment of course). This is a snippet from my WIP, The Milk Carton Murders.
Weekend Writing Warriors is a blog hop. The
object is to write eight sentences from your writing, published or
unpublished, for the other participants to critique (as well as anyone
else who wants to comment of course). This is a snippet from my WIP, The Milk Carton Murders.
In genealogy terms his dad is right . . . but it still sounds ominous. And he doesn't sound . . . right.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, spooky eight!
This story is so incredibly intriguing. I LOVE what I'm seeing here!
ReplyDeleteWhile it all seems on the level this seems spooky to me. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteOh, something tells me Dad's hiding something... Excellent snippet!
ReplyDeleteOh good. Desired effect. Thanks for your comments. And Sarah W. is right too. I even have Dave scrolling microfilm of the Lamont Weekly Times in the story. :) The historian in me coming through.
ReplyDeleteSeems a little scary but so so good. Is his dad hiding something. Can't wait to read more. Great job! :-)
ReplyDeleteI suspect that the dad didn't do it. It's so obvious that he had opportunity, but is he that stupid--to try and cover up something that he knows can so easily be uncovered? I think he was framed.
ReplyDeleteThis is too much fun, like Clue. :-)
Excellent snippet, HS!
Creepy, but this story just keeps getting more intriguing. Excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think Dad knows something. Excellent excerpt.
ReplyDeleteDad obviously knows more than he's letting on! Intriguing story. Looking forward to the next instalment.
ReplyDeleteEerie! Sounds like a good mystery. I can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteVery ominous even though Dad's answers could all be true, then again...
ReplyDeleteSo much wonderful suspense. Makes me wish Sunday came more often. Great snippet!
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
Something about this snippet sent chills racing up and down my spine.
ReplyDeleteI'm really anxious to see where this goes, there is some real foreboding developing here...great job.
ReplyDeleteI think Dad knows more than he's telling!
ReplyDeleteI don't know about where all of you live but the foster system in many places is very unorganized and I find often they believe the adult not the child. So some of that plays into the story.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you all are enjoying it and thank you for all the comments!
ReplyDeleteReally creepy and very good. I'm totally hooked.
ReplyDelete(I'm not sure how picky the Weekend coordinators are, but you've got more than eight sentences...I counted around 18 or so.)
:-)
Something seems off about his Dad. But then maybe not. I suppose it would be harder to find a woman if she'd married and changed her name, in which case knowing her last name wouldn't help anyway.
ReplyDeleteKarysa, ugh, you are right. It was dialogue so I was thinking in lines not sentences. Sorry! I'll make sure I don't do that again.
ReplyDeleteWhat is Dad keeping from us? Hmmm...I'm in. I want to know more@ Great snippet, Cindy!
ReplyDeleteOhhhh shiver. I'm with Nan, Dad's up to something. My gut tells me something ominous. Dun-dun-dunnnnnnn! Can't wait for more!
ReplyDeleteCome on. There's always Facebook. You can find everyone that you didn't even want to find on there, lol. But either his dad isn't saying something or he really did forget. If he helped raise Sally/Sam, then I find it hard to believe he just forgot her last name. But then again, my mom is extremely forgetful in her old age. I'll probably turn out the same *sigh* Or... Sally/Sam just doesn't want to be found. Ah, I could go on guessing. Great snippet. Can't wait to see what happens next.
ReplyDeleteOf all the odd little things that go on in this conversation, what sticks out at me the most (perhaps why you chose to end on it? ;) ) is Dad's last comment...what is that supposed to even mean?!? I would think males would have an easier time disappearing (if they wanted to) than females...so this observation seems strange and downright creepy.
ReplyDeleteThe suspense is building!
Sounds definitely hinkey, and Dad seems to have a not-so-airtight answer for things. Nice snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteUh-oh, Dad's letting stuff slip, methinks.
ReplyDelete"Almost impossible to find girls.”
ReplyDeleteIn high school, I was the nerdy geek dude.
Certainly identify with that line!
Dad sounds very suspicious. Can't find girls! Grrrr. Great characterization!
ReplyDeleteOh dear, his dad's last comment sounds very suspicious. I suppose he is technically right, it is harder to find girls as they're more likely to have changed their surname, but... It really does sound like he's hiding something.
ReplyDeleteI read both the excerpt and the story concept and I LOVE it. I'm a huge fan of thrillers, and your concept here is great, the missing girls, the protagonist with a voice talking to him in his head and a past he can't remember and the father potentially involved. The excerpt tells me the dad is definitely hiding something. Can't wait to read another excerpt next week. :)
ReplyDeleteNot sure about his Dad in this snippet.. Look forward to reading more..
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your input this week.
ReplyDeleteSheesh I thought I hit your blog yesterday but I guess not. This is indeed a spooky bit, Seems like a whole lot of stuff could have happened in the past that the poor guy had no idea about. Nice choice of words throughout.
ReplyDeleteSounds like someone is hiding something! Nice excerpt, very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteHey, great stuff here! I forgive you for giving us eight paragraphs instead of eight sentences. ;) It sounds like Dad doesn't pay that much attention to girls, but maybe he has a point that they're hard to find after they disappear.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing!
Yes kelworthfiles, I confessed earlier. And don't think our mods aren't on top of these things either. :) Honestly, it was late, I was doing dialogue, and my poor brain was thinking of 8 speaking lines not 8 sentences. I'll be more mindful in the future.
ReplyDelete