2013 March 31
Weekend Writing Warriors is a blog hop. The
object is to write eight sentences from your writing, published or
unpublished, for the other participants to critique (as well as anyone
else who wants to comment of course). This is a snippet from my WIP, The Milk Carton Murders.
- See more at: http://historysleuth.blogspot.com/#sthash.KzbxXmen.dpuf
The Milk Carton Murders
(A brief synopsis of the story and previous excerpts can be found here.)
In this week's post Dave Robertson is having a conversation with his boss Marty, owner of the rural town newspaper, The Lamont Weekly Times. If you haven't been following along, Dave's mom and dad were foster parents 20+ years ago. Dave finds some old files in the attic containing photos of the girls whose coffins were recently found at Wiscoy Creek. The pictures are right but the names don't match the ones on the Milk Carton pieces found on the girl's skeletal remains. Dave is meeting Investigator Pepper Black for lunch. She wants him to find old articles on the newspaper's microfilm. He hasn't turned anything over to Pepper yet because Dave thinks his dad might have been the killer.
As always, the sentence below in italics is the voice inside Dave's head.
Dave is speaking first below.
As always, the sentence below in italics is the voice inside Dave's head.
Dave is speaking first below.
***
"No actually she asked me to lunch--and you'll be glad to know, for my silence on some of the details, I've been promised an exclusive. That and they've asked for my research assistance."
"That’s not like you to hold back, Dave. What details did you leave out from the article?"
"Sorry Marty, I'm really not at liberty to say, not even to you."
"Well I hope it’s worth it, and someone else doesn't scoop you on it."
"I don't see that happening."
Me neither, Davy, considering you have some of the evidence.
***
The link to the other Weekend Writing Warriors is here. This week we have almost 75 participants! You're bound to find something to pique your interest.
The Sunday Snippet writer's on Facebook are here. Between the two there is something for everyone.
1. Can't read the green print at the top.
ReplyDelete2. Nice snippet!
3. Is that really Dave talking to himself -- or just one of those voices in his head?
4. Or maybe it's William Hurt, ala "Mr. Brooks."
I'll change the color, thanks Frank. No it is a voice in his head.
ReplyDeleteGreat mystery here. So the voice in his head is not Dave but another persona? That's why he refers to him as Davy? Certainly a bit different. Nice 8.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting excerpt. I tweeted.
ReplyDeleteYes, the green at the top is very difficult to read. The last line confused me, too, because I wasn't sure who was talking.
ReplyDeleteCertainly grabbed my attention!
I figured by your use of "Davy" that this voice is more like another person rather than Dave himself. That's a neat twist to what could be just a standard mystery.
ReplyDeleteSuspecting his own father is also going to mess up his investigation. I like the wrinkles you've added to the plot and that you seem to know Dave well, which is important to create a believable character.
Yes it is another persona who calls him Davy. Dave has had it his whole life. He thinks it's normal. He figures doesn't everybody talk to themselves once in a while?
ReplyDeleteIt's this case that makes his problem more pronounced as it all relates to events in his childhood. The "why" of it the reader doesn't find out until later of course. Thanks for all your great comments!
Ooh, another persona...interesting wrinkle. I'm fascinated by this story and can'tr wait to see what twists and turns come next. Terrific snippet!
ReplyDeleteIntriguing!
ReplyDeletePepper Black is a great name for a character. Looking forward to reading snippets with her and Dave or will she get Davy? I just got the chills.
ReplyDeleteNice dialogue between Dave and Marty. It might have been nice to "see" the two men and their environment whilst they were talking. Other than that, the scene builds up intrigue nicely.
ReplyDeleteWow, this has the potential to be a really intense story. Creepy. And just who is the killer???
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing. Nice 8.
ReplyDeleteEnjoying your posts! New follower here. I'm stopping by from the "A to Z" challenge and I look forward to visiting again.
ReplyDeleteSylvia
http://www.writinginwonderland.blogspot.com/
Nice snippet!
ReplyDeleteGood set up for the story and ratcheting up the tension! Well done!
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed this as always. The story just keeps getting more and more intriguing!
ReplyDelete~Joyce Scarbrough
The last line of this snippet really made the rest of it that much more meaningful. It was interesting and then the last line made it sizzle (for lack of better word). Awesome.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a good story, HS, based on a good premise. I can hardly wait to read it all. :-) Great snippet. :-)
ReplyDeleteTerrific mystery and chilling that there's a voice in his head leading him in other directions possibly?
ReplyDeleteLove the mystery you've created!
ReplyDelete